


october

by ghost_mochi



Category: Daniel Howell/ Phil Lester - Fandom, Phan, dan and phil
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28176393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghost_mochi/pseuds/ghost_mochi
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	october

October nights were perfect.  
The world always seemed so much more beautiful when illuminated by the silvery shine of the moon. Dan sat on the roof of his apartment, staring into the darkened streets of London at midnight. It was almost peaceful from his view. Sirens and drunken arguments that polluted the city didn’t exist to him in that moment, all he could hear was the cooling autumn wind softly whistling in his ears.  
He sat calmly, appreciating the stillness of the night from his rooftop. The concrete floor he rested on was icy cold, so much so it sent chills up his spine. Clearly the hoodie he’d wrapped himself in wasn’t effective enough against the October weather. Instead, searching for warmth, he reached into the pocket of his black jeans to pull out a silver lighter. He paused for a minute, admiring the scratches and dents that covered it, turning it slowly in the palm of his hand to see every angle. On the underside was an engraving. Although worn and faded, Dan could still read each digit clearly.  
“19.10.09”  
He traced each number gently with his fingertips. Through the past 10 years it hadn’t left his side. Each imperfection carried a memory, some happy, some painful. No matter what emotions it had, each was a memory he treasured dearly. Every moment he spent with the love of his life was something to hold dear.  
As the minutes passed the chill in the wind became more pronounced. His shivering hand reached back into his pocket, this time retrieving a pack of cigarettes. Carefully, he tapped the pack against his palm three times, opened the box and chose the third cigarette from the right, avoiding the one that was facing upwards- that was for last. Each step in this ritual was crucial. He wasn’t sure why but it helped him feel safer, as though completing it was the secret to avoiding cancer. It was stupid and he knew it, but the nagging feeling of “what if” was always too much to ignore.

  
Just as he placed the filter between his lips, the door to the rooftop creaked open. A warm fluorescent light illuminated a pale, smiling face. Dan’s heart fluttered. Even after eleven years, Phil still made him feel as though he was in love for the first time.  
“I knew I’d find you up here”, Phil said, with slight relief in his voice.  
Dan patted the concrete, inviting his love to sit next to him.  
“Why are you hiding up here by yourself?”, Phil questioned. “I made you tea, it’ll be cold by now.”  
“Do you know what day it is?” Dan asked him.  
Phil walked towards him, letting the door close gently behind.  
“Tuesday?” he replied.  
Dan laughed, “Firstly, my darling, it’s Friday.” He stopped for a moment to take in the beauty of the cityscape again. Every square inch of his view was covered in memories he held with Phil. “It’s the 19th”, he whispered, “as of today, I’ve spent 11 years as the luckiest man alive, 11 years being hopelessly in love and 11 years unable to believe that I get to spend my life with someone who makes me so happy.”  
Dan passed the cigarette he’d been twirling in his fingers to his boyfriend and began the ritual to prepare another one for himself. He watched as Phil placed the filter between his lips, there was something so undeniably attractive about seeing him with a cigarette.  
Softly, Dan rested his forehead against Phil’s, noticing every elegant detail of his eyes. “I love you, so much.” he professed. He took the battered silver lighter and flicked the spark wheel to ignite it. Phil bent forward slightly, allowing the flame to light his cigarette. Heads still pressed closely together, Phil looked longingly back into Dan’s eyes. Although he knew the sadness Dan had experienced, in that moment his eyes showed pure love and content. “I love you too, Dan,” he softly whispered back, “so much.”   
Gracefully Dan placed his head in Phil’s lap. His legs were soft and warm, there was nowhere he found more comfortable. Stars glimmered in the sky and Dan noticed each and every one as he took a drag from his cigarette. In that moment nothing else mattered. Dan had Phil, Phil had Dan. That was all either of them could ever need. 


End file.
